"From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun..." Part III - Chapter 21... Thursday 1/10/11)

The Poignant... Heartbreaking Story Of Guido... And His Utter Transformation... Fourteen Years Later... Through The Power Of The Holy Word... "SUBUD"...!


In my Spiritual Odyssey... "From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD..."... as listed in the Index... is the full story... of my deep and abiding friendship... with Guido... one of the kindest men... I have ever known...


Under this Chapter... it bears repeating... to write about what relates... to the Power of the Holy Word.. "SUBUD"... and the Magical Day we spent together... when he helped me move into a brand new studio apartment... and out of the clutches... of an evil monster...!


The machiavellian Austrian dress designer... a victim of polio... whom I met... shortly after my divorce from Brian... in Bulawayo... Southern Rhodesia... had been offered a lucrative position... at a prestigious fashion house... in Johannesburg... South Africa... in three months time...


So that when my mother suddenly invited me to drive down to Cape Town with her... and to live alone with her there... during the six months of parliament sessions... which she was expected to attend... as the representative... for the Italian Embassy... and time was pressing... my charming new friend... Gangolf... had kindly offered... to pack up my whole household for me... in crates... and send them on to me... once I was settled with my mother...


And he even promised... to personally bring my adored cocker spaniel Whiskie... to me... in Cape Town... after his government enforced... three months of quarantine...


Naturally I was delirious with joy... at being reunited with my adored Contessa mother... once again... who explained... that her husband Braam... who was only three years older than myself... could not join her in Cape Town... for at least eight months... because of his military duties...


Under "Seven Hells"... is the full story of my joyous three months... spent with my adored Mummie... in beautiful Cape Town... and the degrading story... of the evil Austrian monster... Gangolf... whose permanent polio affliction... had filled me with heart felt sympathy... but whom I Was Forbidden... to Miraculously Heal...!


And how he had psychologically tortured... and sexually abused me... all over South Africa... while in absolute control... of all my worldly goods... which he had put in his name... and threatened to have forwarded... to whatever address he chose... if I displeased him...!


His diabolical cruelties... were inflicted on me... to test my sincere love for him... because he could not quite believe... that any woman... could really and truly love him...!


This meant that he had absolute control... of all my expensive evening gowns... and collection of pure silk kimonos... and all my delicate Oriental chinaware... and Lalique glassware... plus my important personal papers... such as my Diploma from the modeling school... I graduated from... which had led to the famous Norman Hartnell... offering me a prestigious job... to become the exclusive model... for Queen Elizabeth of England...!


But the worst thing the evil monster did... was to give my precious Whiskie away... who had always growled at him... then quickly hid himself... under the furniture... refusing his offerings of prime steak... from the first class restaurants... he would take me to...!


After three years... of an unnatural marriage... I was easy prey... to the charms of Gangolf... whose jet black eyes... never kept still... but always darted about inquisitively...


Lying helpless... in my hospital bed... I was heartsick over the loss of my adored pet Whiskie... and chastised myself... over and over... for having been so careless... as to leave him in the hands of a man whom he obviously hated... and rightfully did not trust...!


And I marveled all over again... over the emotional hold... my still exquisitely beautiful... imperiously proud... Contessa mother... had over me... that I would simply drop everything... and anybody... to be with her...!


Why... I had even fiercely willed the necessary Swiss Passport to arrive in time... to join her... having been told... that it would take at least six months...!


Then... wanting to cheer myself up... I found myself recalling the enormous Spiritual Power... that the Holy Word "SUBUD"... Had... over one's soul... the amazing Evidence of which... I had personally experienced... then witnessed... not just once... but twice... so far... in two of my closest... and dearest friends...!


And I thought of my dear friend Guido's Merciful Deliverance... from years of soul-deep anguish and torment... and his Utter Transformation... on that Magical Day... when he helped his Cara Graziella... after she contacted him... and poured her miserable soul out to him...


Being in the business of building... he had found the most charming studio apartment for me... making sure that the lease was solely in my name...


I had finally convinced the evil monster... - giving the finest acting performance of my life... - that I would be delirious with joy... to marry him... suggesting that we move into an apartment together...


And believing me... he had arranged to have all my worldly goods... which turned out to be... packed to the brim... in four enormous crates... delivered to the apartment...


My dear friend Guido was present... helping me to unpack the gigantic crates... when Gangolf finally arrived... believing that we were going to be living together...


And still being quite a handsome... magnificently tall... well-built... muscular man... with a healthy tan... from working outdoors so much... although his head of rich brown hair... had turned silvery gray... Guido was quite intimidating... with his rolled up sleeves... showing off his rippling muscles... to the dapper... slender.. much shorter man... who would always exaggerate his limp... whenever he sought sympathy... from others...


He was startled to see... that I was not alone... and looked at me questioningly...


But all I could feel... now... was no longer... the truly sincere love... I had felt for him... but utter contempt... for the cripple... who for three months... had put me through such torture... and who... just the very night before... knowing how much I loathed horror movies... from all the times... my Amahs would force me to see bloody... gory Samurai movies... with them... when I was a mere tot... had forced me to go and see one of the worst with him...


So I did not feel to honor such an evil monster... by introducing my dearest friend Guido... to him...


Looking down at him... from my own great height of now five foot eleven... speaking to him in our usual language of German... I very calmly told him... that I was through with him...


And I was thrilled to see the tail end of him... after he nervously withdrew his own artistic supplies... from one of the crates... and I realized... watching him walk out of the glass apartment door... with his exaggerated limp... no longer feeling... even a shred of sympathy for him... that I was finally in control of my own life... once again...


Naturally I had no inkling... at the time... that he would be back... and charming the building apartment manager... into letting him in... as my fiance... I would come home from work... one evening... to find him sitting there... in my easy chair... with a deadly gun aimed unwaveringly... up at my chest...!


But that's another story... of thousands... all told in "Seven Hells..."!


Guido had ordered an enormous Italian lunch for us... from the best Italian restaurant in town... and had kindly stocked my fridge to the brim... with all kinds of pasta specialties... making sure... that at least I wouldn't starve...


So happy to be reunited with him... after so many years... meeting him first... as my mother's fiance... we enjoyed each other's company... catching up on each other's lives... sitting on my unpacked... extra large soft cushions... on the floor... and leisurely dining... off my low round... lacquer table... just like I used to... in Japan...


Guido had brought a bottle of Chianti with him... to celebrate my glorious freedom... and after my Allowed three sips... I found myself telling him... about my extraordinary Spiritual Experience... in Bulawayo... shortly after my divorce from Brian... about a year earlier... and my frustration... in being unable to find SUBUD...


There was always a tinge of sadness... in Guido's warm brown eyes... and I knew all about the reason why... having shared his moments of anguish with him... many many times...


As a young man... immigrating to South Africa... from Italy... he met a beautiful young socialite... from a wealthy South African family... and beguiled by her... soon found himself married to her...!


He was floating on Cloud Nine with her... and even more ecstatic... when she got pregnant... then presented him... with his very own son...!


But then... after about three years... tiring of the great difference... in their social standing... not liking the idea of being married to a foreigner... a mere Contractor... who dirtied his hands... with manual labor... his snooty wife... bowled him over... bringing him crashing down... from his blissful happiness... by suddenly asking him for a divorce...!


Poor Guido did not stand a chance... against his wife's powerful... influential family... with his now icy cold wife... shutting him out of their little son's life completely... and after remarrying... even arrogantly going so far... as to changing his Italian name... to an English one...!


Countless times... I had been with Guido... in his car... parked outside the imposing iron gates... of his ex wife's vast estate... patiently waiting for hours on end... with him... in the hope to just even catch a glimpse of his precious son... now about four years old... whom he loved... more than life itself...


These were poignantly private moments... that Guido and I shared alone together... when I would often hold his heaving with anguish body... close to my breast... let him pour out... all the sorrow... in his yearning soul... in my comforting arms...


Being engaged to my mother... when I met him... I soon realized that with her... he had to be strong... and dependable... but with her daughter... in whom he instantly recognized a kind... understanding soul... he could be his real self... show his true feelings...!


Although I knew that being born an Italian... Guido had grown up as a Roman Catholic... nevertheless... over the poignant hours spent in his car... sitting in the dark... he confided his disappointment... in his religion... and even more so... after he lost his precious son... Angelo... his precious Angelito... "Little Angel"... wondering why God Had Taken him away from him...


And as gently as I could... I explained about Karmic Debts... and that there was the possibility... that in a previous incarnation... he had ruthlessly taken away a child... from the woman he had been married to... in this life... and that he was now experiencing the Divine Law of Cause and Effect... of his previous cruel action... towards her... and feeling inside me... that I spoke the truth...!


The inevitable day came... when my imperiously proud mother found out... that I was alone with her fiance... several nights a week... and naturally jumping to the wrong conclusion... she accused innocent me... of trying to seduce him... and take him away from her...!


Having promised Guido... never to tell another living soul... about our nightly ventures... I could not explain away... my innocence... to my adored mother...


There had been a huge blow-up between her and Guido... and he had been so horrified... at the venomous words... spewing out of her mouth... regarding her own daughter... his precious Cara Graziella... who had been nothing but a sympathetic friend... whom he could freely confide in... that he had abruptly broken off their engagement...!


This was the second time... my mother was blaming me... for losing the affections of a man she loved...!


The first time... was soon after arriving in South Africa... to be reunited with her... wanting only to spend as much time with her as possible... to make up for all the lost years... and never interested one little bit... in any kind of romance.... with any man...!


(The very sad incidences... involving three men... my Contessa mother accused innocent me... of taking away from her... within the space of only one year... are fully told in "Seven Hells..."!)


Now stuffed to the gills... with delicious Italian food... I suddenly found myself wondering... yet again... why Guido... whose warm... kind brown eyes... still had a tinge of sadness in them... kept popping briefly into my life... at crucial times...!


And how the last time it happened... was when I was so unhappily married to Brian... bumping into Guido... while on vacation to visit Brian's family... his father being the chief fireman... for the district... and where Guido was contracted... to work on the firehouse...!


At that time... upon suddenly seeing me again... after some eight years... he had lost control one night... when we found ourselves alone together... and declared his years of love for me... as a desirable woman...!


I was so taken aback... that I had fought him off me... But later on... back in Bulawayo... I could not stop thinking about him... and longing to see him... and wondering whether my Heavenly Father... Meant for us to be together... for life... after all...!


And that being a passionate Italian... his dear self... would be The One... to finally unlock my sexual freeze... and terror of sexual intercourse... ever since I was seventeen... and so brutally attacked... by a German prisoner of war... in England...


And it suddenly dawned on me... that we were together again... and alone...!


And emboldened by the three sips of wine... which went straight to my head... when he stood up... to stretch himself... I sprang to my feet... and throwing myself into his powerful arms... which instinctively wrapped themselves around me... I found myself joyously looking up at him... and declaring... my abiding love for him...!


Then I happened to notice the long... roomy daybed... below the large picture window... of the charming... spacious studio apartment... which would have been perfect for us... to finally consummate our years and years of unrequited love... for each other...


But when I motioned for us... to lie down on it together... so that we could make each other really happy... at long last... to my utter surprise... he wrenched himself... out of my loving arms...!


And letting out a groan of anguish... he cried out... in his charming Italian accent...:


"Cara Graziella... dearest soul of my heart... I would love to take you... here and now... make passionate love to you... God Knows... I have waited for you... long enough...!


First it was your mother... whom you idolized... who stood between us... and then your precious John... then Brian...!


And now you are free... but I am not...!


I cannot show you how much I have always loved you... and always will... as a man in love... with the woman of his dreams... because I am a married man...!"


And gently leading a thoroughly stunned and embarrassed me... back to the table... he sat me back down... and told me... how he had married a trusted cousin of his... from childhood... about three months ago... for business reasons only ... bringing her to South Africa... from Italy... because there had been thefts... and mismanagement of money... in his large contracting firm...


Sitting opposite him... in a daze... and digesting his words... and realizing what an honorable man he was... having secretly loved me... as a woman for years... and that he still would not break his marriage vows... even though his was a loveless marriage... I suddenly found myself wondering... how he would react... to the Holy Word of "SUBUD"...!


And jumping to my feet... I retrieved the precious little Materialized book catalog... which I always carried around with me... from my handbag... and picking up my extra large.. soft cushion... I went over to Guido... and sitting down on it next to him... lay the little catalog on the table... and opened it to the page... advertising John Bennett's "Concerning SUBUD.." ... the only title shown in bold print...!


And already I noticed... how the atmosphere in the room... Had suddenly become Holy and Still... just as on that Magical Night in Bulawayo... about a year earlier... with my other dear friend and protector... Dimitri... from Greece... as Guido looked down... at my pointing finger...


And as he slowly read the title of the precious book out loud... and came to the Holy Word of "SUBUD"... I saw him bow his head reverently... and close his eyes... as if he was praying...!


And then... to my utter astonishment... his whole muscular... magnificent six foot four body... Started to Shake... a little at first... but then More and More... then Uncontrollably... as if his entire being... Was Being Gripped... in a Gigantic Seizure...!


And as I sat there next to him... totally spellbound... and becoming aware... of the Heavenly Scent of Roses... Surrounding us... knowing that an Angel of God Was Present... just as on that Magical Night in Bulawayo... with Dimitri... Guido's mouth opened... and as if from the very depths of his soul... came a kind of slowly Rising... Keening Sound...!


And the heart-wrenching Sound... was of such utter Anguish... such as I had never ever heard... coming out of another human being before... in all my life...!


Then the Seizure suddenly Stopped... and his whole body began to Sway... Back and Forth... Back and Forth... as he tightly wrapped his arms... around his chest and great body...


And my heart went out to my dear dear old friend... full of the greatest sympathy... and loving understanding... as I instinctively put my arms... around his heaving great shoulders... just like I used to... in his moments of agony... in his car... so many years ago...


And Guido... still with his eyes closed... and head bowed... continued to Utter the soul deep Wail of Anguish... which would slowly Rise... from the very depths of his being... and come out of his mouth... like a gigantic Wail... best described... like an ambulance siren...!


This very Private Inner Communion... between Guido... and His Loving Creator... Almighty God... Lasted for quite a while... with the air around us... Holy and Still... and the Heavenly Scent of Roses... still Surrounding us...


Then I noticed a change in Guido... as he sat next to me... with my comforting arms around him... no longer Wailing... but utterly still...


Then after a little while... he lifted his great handsome head... and opened his eyes... and as he turned towards me... I saw that his whole face... had become utterly Transformed... and there was a beautiful Radiance about him...!


And the most wonderful... Heavenly Gift of all... was that there was no longer a trace of sadness... not even a tinge... in his warm brown eyes...!


Looking at me... with his shining new eyes... he said... with a note of wonder... in his voice... in that charming Italian accent of his...:


"Cara Graziella... a Miracle Has Happened...! I no longer feel the great sorrow... of losing my precious son... Angelito... which has been tormenting my soul... for so many many years...! It is all gone...!


All these many years... I have been feeling the burden of shame... and guilt... because I did not fight hard enough for my son...


Only Almighty God... Could Have Released me... from my years of great anguish... and now He Has...!  May His Holy Name be Praised Forever...!


And you... my Cara Graziella... to whom I instantly lost my heart to... and trusted... the moment our eyes met... so long ago... I can never thank you enough... for your sincere friendship... towards me... and all the times you comforted me... in my moments of agony... when we sat in my car together... so close to my precious son... and yet so far away...


We must find this SUBUD... and as soon as possible... for it is truly Holy...!"


And I was so happy... that another living soul... this time my dear friend Guido... Had Been So Greatly Blessed... by his Creator... by the Holy Word of "SUBUD"... and perhaps even more so... because he had not broken his marriage vows...


(To be Continued with... "To Wear Pants To Latihan... Or Not... That Is The Question..." ... Insha Allah... God Willing... Thursday 1/13/11... The Anniversary Of Muftiah's First Year On Facebook... With Already 1,337 Friends... From All Over The World...!)