To Wear Pants To Latihan... Or Not... That Is The "Question...!"... Thursday 1/13/11...

During an unusually bitterly cold winter's Latihan night... in May l96l... in Johannesburg South Africa... this soul... as Graziella... newly "Opened"... in hospital... with only two Helpers... attending her... was sitting in the bathtub... washing her body and hair... in preparation for her very first Group Latihan... at the Johannesburg SUBUD Center... and was very much looking forward... to the Wondrous... Holy Event... 


And as she sat there... with a feeling of reverence... towards her Beloved HEAVENLY FATHER... and that she was cleansing herself... out of respect for HIM... she was overjoyed... full of delight and awe... from the very top of her head... to the very tips of her toes... when she suddenly heard His Voice... Speaking outside herself...!  


She was quite used...to hearing His Voice... Speaking inside herself... ever since she could remember... always feeling a close Inner Bond with Him... but this was the very first time... that she heard His Voice... Speaking outside herself...!


And what He Said... in a Measured... Calm Voice of Command... Was...:


"You Are No Longer... To Be Called Graziella... (meaning Little Grace Of God) ... You Are Now To Be Called Grazia...!"


And as now 31 year old Grazia... sat in her bathtub... with the water getting cold... she recalled the Inner Bond... Created... ever since... three months earlier... her Beloved soul Mate Richard... Was Commanded by GOD... to be the channel... to Gloriously... and Miraculously "Open..." .. and "Awaken..." ... her Inner self... 


And how... during those three months... with her HEAVENLY FATHER... Having Added another inch... to her height... so that she now stood at six feet... had caused her peculiar heart condition... of no name... to worsen... landing her in hospital...


Then she heard His Voice again... Saying...:


"You Are Also To Always Cleanse Yourself... Body And Hair... Before Going To Stand... In The Presence Of Your Creator... The One Almighty God... Submitting Yourself To Him... In Sincere... Patient... Unconditional Surrender... In Worship Of Him..." 


Sitting there... stark naked... feeling foolishly overcome with Bliss... blushing... she was now more than ever convinced... that the Latihan of SUBUD... truly was a Miraculous Happening... when one could hear the very Voice of God... Speaking to you... while taking a bath... no less... and without being a saint...!!!

Glowing all over... looking forward to her very first Group Latihan... eager to share her new name... with her new SUBUD Men and Ladies... from whom she had felt such a wonderful... instantly accepting... and loving affinity... when she had met them three months ago... she decided that... since it was so bitterly cold outside... she would wear her nice and warm... woolen slacks to Latihan... instead of the usual dress...

Still glowing all over... with her new name inside her... with her new SUBUD friends... all easily delighted... to call her by her new name... "Grazia" ... when Richard picked her up in the carpool... that night... she expected to feel that particular... gentle feeling of femininity... that wonderful affirmation... that she was indeed a female... through and through... as she had... during her previous "Opening" Latihan... in hospital...

There happened to be more Men than Ladies... in the Johannessburg SUBUD Center... at the time... and they exercised together... at the same time... with the Men... in one room... and the Ladies in another... right next door to each other...

Grazia's second Latihan... of her life...in a room together with some twelve Ladies began... just like her first Miraculous Happening...  


She felt the same feeling of Blissful... and Peaceful Femininity... and was delighted... when her mouth Was Made to Open... by THE POWER OF GOD... and she Felt her voice Coming Up And Out... from a very deep place inside her... 


And with her eyes closed... she heard her own Spiritually Awakened Voice... very much more Richly Bell-like... and Pure... than when she sang in operas... operettas... nightclubs... musicals... concerts... ballrooms... and even on the radio... 


The velvet Tones... were Issuing Forth... from the very depths of her being... in worshipful Praise... of her HEAVENLY FATHER... ALMIGHTY GOD... Whom she had loved... with all her heart and soul... always seeking His Approval of her... wanting only to be... as He Would Have her Be... ever since she could remember...

Standing and Swaying... Joyfully Singing her heart out... Grazia was filled with Spiritual Bliss...  


Then all of a sudden... she became very much aware... of the thundering noise... of the Men next door... a lot of feet Stomping... a lot of Shouting... a lot of Wailing... and even Screaming...  


And she felt the walls shaking alarmingly around her... with the intensity of their activity...  


At the same time... she felt as if somehow... her Cocoon of Peaceful Bliss... Was Being Pierced... Invaded in a most intrusive... and uncomfortable way...!  


And then... to her dsmay... SHE HERSELF BEGAN TO MAKE HORRIBLE NOISES... Wailing Like A Banshee... chokingly Uttering The Most Awful... Guttural Sounds... Grunting like a wild animal... just like the Men... through the one and a half inches of flimsy... sliding wooden door... that separated them from the Ladies...!!!

Her first official "Opening" Latihan... had been set up especially for her... not during a general Latihan Night... but in hospital... so that there were only two lady Helpers present with her... as witnesses and participants... to the Wonderful Divine Event... 


Reborn... into a True Spiritual Path... where her Creator... Would Make her feel even more Cherished... as she continuously Felt... the gentle Vibration... of the Great Holy Life Force of Almighty God...  inside her being... as Proof of their unique... One-on-one Bond... with each other...   


So that this was her very first experience... of simultaneous Latihan... with her new SUBUD men...

Then... as she was filled with confusion... and deeper and deeper discomfort... her eyes Were Made To Open... and she was Made To Take A Very Good Look Around Her... 


And she Was Made To Notice... that the four other ladies... who were also wearing slacks... were all beginning to Howl like wild animals... as well...! ... and that the rest of the Ladies... who were wearing dresses... were Making Graceful... very feminine Movements... Dancing... with a few of them Singing Softly...

Instantly... Grazia "knew"... that some Momentous Truth... had just been Revealed to her... and that she had committed some Spiritual faux-pas... of great Magnitude... and Importance...  


And she was Made to feel Foolish... Empty... and also distressingly Off Balance... which were to become future Spiritual Indications for her... whenever she was defiantly disobedient... wrong... or too slow to obey... the Perfect Will... of her HEAVENLY FATHER...!

Grazia had been told by her Helpers... that she was to accept... whatever happened in the Latihan... even the unpleasant... for it was all necessary Purification... and in the long run... most Beneficial... to her Spiritual Growth and Development...  


So she tried very hard... to accept the fact... that she was now Being Made... BY THE POWER OF GOD... to behave in a most unladylike manner... Howling and Wailing her head off...  


At the same time... she was Being Made... to Make quite the most abrupt... Distinctly Male Movements... and - HORROR OF HORRORS - actually Felt herself... becoming more and more disturbingly MASCULINE... as the Latihan went on...!!!???

At long last... to Grazia's great relief... the most unpleasant Latihan... seeming to last for hours... was finally over...  


And it wasn't long... before she found herself... sitting in a corner... with the other huddled Ladies... dressed in slacks... who were all totally unnerved... expressing their alarm... at how abruptly their Latihan... had changed that night... from their usual peaceful ones... and agreeing at how UNCOMFORTABLE... AND STRANGELY DIFFERENT... they had felt...  


Grazia listened to her SUBUD Ladies... very closely... for they were far more experienced in the Latihan... than she was...

As they were all expressing their concerns... their Helper of the evening... having joined them... Grazia... to her dismay... found herself being Made to Open her mouth... and very shyly... Being Made to speak up... 


And she haltingly told them... of her own experience that night... and her feeling... that was growing more and more inside her... that it was... perhaps... somehow... Spiritually wrong... for SUBUD ladies... to be wearing... what is traditionally considered men's clothing... to Latihan...!  


And that perhaps it might be a good idea... maybe... to write to their Spiritual SUBUD Father... BAPAK... about what had obviously greatly Altered... five SUBUD Ladies' Latihans... so drastically that night...

By this time... Grazia's heart was pounding... at her own audacity... for after all... she was the baby of the Group...  


But... to her enormous relief... her shy... tentative suggestion... was immediately accepted... for all four SUBUD Ladies... and their Helper agreed... that they needed to have some clarification from BAPAK... their Spiritual father on earth... of their odd experience that night... adding that they had never worn slacks to Latihan before... and had done so... only because it was such a bitterly cold night... 


And they wonderied... amongst themselves... whether there was some Truth... to what their new SUBUD Lady... Grazia... seemed to be aware of...

In a very short time... a perfect answer of explanation... was received from BAPAK... confirming that what the Ladies had experienced... that was so unusual... in their Latihan... that particular night... was indeed owing to the fact... that they were wearing slacks...  


Exercising right next door... and at the same time... as the Men... caused the male forces... to travel through the door... and enter those Ladies who... in wearing men's clothing... became a source of attraction... and influence... for the male forces.  


BAPAK further explained... that the male force... was so strong... and powerful... that it influenced a woman's behavior... even harming her feminine nature... whenever she wore trousers... so that she acted more like a man... than a woman... when she walked... or sat around in them...  


But that in time... as we progressed in the Latihan... the day would come... when our whole beings... would be sufficiently Purified... into becoming fully feminine... that wearing men's clothing... would no longer be able to influence... and negatively harm... our feminine nature... and behavior... in a masculine way...  


Adding that... since we had been Created and born... as female souls... by the Will of ALMIGHTY GOD... it was indeed His Will... that we become true... noble women... of excellent character... as He Would Have us be...


BAPAK closed his letter... by recommending... that ALL the SUBUD ladies... refrain from wearing trousers to Latihan... in future... and that the Helpers... should advise their Lady Members... not to do so... giving them BAPAK's Spiritual Explanation...

All the Ladies of the SUBUD Groups... and Centers... throughout South Africa... immediately followed... BAPAK's perfect recommendation... without question... WHICH... THROUGH THE RAPID SUBUD GRAPEVINE... ALSO FILTERED OVERSEAS... TO THE USA... AND OTHER COUNTRIES...!   


They knew full well... that BAPAK's wise words of counsel... for his SUBUD children... had been "Received"... from ALMIGHTY GOD... and could... therefore... be trusted implicitly... 


Especially when they heard... about the five hapless SUBUD Ladies' personal... unpleasant experience... of wearing slacks to Latihan... not wanting to have a similar occurence... happen to them... when they happened to find themselves... in a similar situation... where simultaneous Latihan... might be going on...

As events turned out... it wasn't long before Grazia came to know... all about being invaded... and unpleasantly disturbed... by male forces... when she ACCIDENTALLY... "OPENED" A MAN...! 


And she had such violent Latihans... immediately thereafter... that she frightened her SUBUD Ladies... to such an extent... that the Helpers... some of them grumbling... that she had spoiled their plans for the evening... had to drive her off... to the isolated beaches... of Durban... very late at night... where she could Howl... and Yowl her head off... in intense Latihan Purification... with the crashing waves... muffling the awful Sounds... to get rid of the extra baggage... the unwelcome male forces... that had invaded her being...


This unpleasant period... which also included... her unable to bear the sound of his voice... which grated on her nerves... like fingernails scratching glass... lasted for six months...!  


But that's another one of her million-and-one... personally unique... SUBUD stories... of her now 33 years in SUBUD... (No bragging intended... just promoting her Spiritual Odyssey... "From "Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...")

Muftiah "Received" to write this little SUBUD story... for the SUBUD SOUTH QUARTERLY... and since she has been Trained... these many years... to obey the Perfect Will of ALMIGHTY ALLAH... whenever He Commands her... "Now Write...!" ... she has done so... sitting up in her bed... typing on her lap-top Altima 420 computer... no longer able to... for ten hours a day... like she used to... but lucky... if she can get in... at least... five hours a day...


Furthermore... she is still not Permitted to write... unless "Commanded" by Him... with gaps sometimes lasting... even a whole year...! 


And... as stated in her "Open Letter" ... to her SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... all over the world... some seven and a half years ago... (featured today... on her JIWA TO JIWA Blog... via link...: 


jiwatojiwa.blogspot.com


she is still Not Permitted... to refer to herself as "I"... whenever she communicates with the general SUBUD public... in writing... and feels very wrong... whenever she does...!


Furthermore... she is still mostly bed-ridden... owing to her many GOD-Willed Strokes... which have now affected her heart severely... diagnosed as "mitral valve prolapse"... for which she is daily taking beta blockers...  


So that... on the rare occasion... when AlLMIGHTY ALLAH... Permits her to go out... she has to be moved about... in a wheelchair... for she can no longer stand up on her feet... for longer than twenty minutes at a time... without collapsing in pain and weakness...  


One affliction seems to be Miraculously... finally over with - after fifty-two years - the dreaded fortnightly Migraine Attacks... of Ancestral Purification - Praise Allah... which began for her... already when she was almost twelve years old... with her very first period... in New York... en route from Japan to Switzerland... in 1942...!

(To be Continued with... HOW THE POWER OF GOD... IN A LITTLE OLD LADY... GOT BAPAK'S ENTRY VISA... FOR SOUTH AFRICA... WHEN THE SUBUD COMMITTEE'S REPEATED EFFORTS... HAD FAILED...! ... Insha Allah... God Willing... Monday 1/17/11...)