During an unusually bitterly cold winter's Latihan night... in May l96l... in Johannesburg South Africa... this soul... as Graziella... newly "Opened"... in hospital... with only two Helpers... attending her... was sitting in the bathtub... washing her body and hair... in preparation for her very first Group Latihan... at the Johannesburg SUBUD Center... and was very much looking forward... to the Wondrous... Holy Event...
And as she sat there... with a feeling of reverence... towards her Beloved HEAVENLY FATHER... and that she was cleansing herself... out of respect for HIM... she was overjoyed... full of delight and awe... from the very top of her head... to the very tips of her toes... when she suddenly heard His Voice... Speaking outside herself...!
She was quite used...to hearing His Voice... Speaking inside herself... ever since she could remember... always feeling a close Inner Bond with Him... but this was the very first time... that she heard His Voice... Speaking outside herself...!
And what He Said... in a Measured... Calm Voice of Command... Was...:
"You Are No Longer... To Be Called Graziella... (meaning Little Grace Of God) ... You Are Now To Be Called Grazia...!"
And as now 31 year old Grazia... sat in her bathtub... with the water getting cold... she recalled the Inner Bond... Created... ever since... three months earlier... her Beloved soul Mate Richard... Was Commanded by GOD... to be the channel... to Gloriously... and Miraculously "Open..." .. and "Awaken..." ... her Inner self...
And how... during those three months... with her HEAVENLY FATHER... Having Added another inch... to her height... so that she now stood at six feet... had caused her peculiar heart condition... of no name... to worsen... landing her in hospital...
Then she heard His Voice again... Saying...:
"You Are Also To Always Cleanse Yourself... Body And Hair... Before Going To Stand... In The Presence Of Your Creator... The One Almighty God... Submitting Yourself To Him... In Sincere... Patient... Unconditional Surrender... In Worship Of Him..."
Sitting there... stark naked... feeling foolishly overcome with Bliss... blushing... she was now more than ever convinced... that the Latihan of SUBUD... truly was a Miraculous Happening... when one could hear the very Voice of God... Speaking to you... while taking a bath... no less... and without being a saint...!!!
Glowing all over... looking forward to her very first Group Latihan... eager to share her new name... with her new SUBUD Men and Ladies... from whom she had felt such a wonderful... instantly accepting... and loving affinity... when she had met them three months ago... she decided that... since it was so bitterly cold outside... she would wear her nice and warm... woolen slacks to Latihan... instead of the usual dress...
Still glowing all over... with her new name inside her... with her new SUBUD friends... all easily delighted... to call her by her new name... "Grazia" ... when Richard picked her up in the carpool... that night... she expected to feel that particular... gentle feeling of femininity... that wonderful affirmation... that she was indeed a female... through and through... as she had... during her previous "Opening" Latihan... in hospital...
There happened to be more Men than Ladies... in the Johannessburg SUBUD Center... at the time... and they exercised together... at the same time... with the Men... in one room... and the Ladies in another... right next door to each other...
Grazia's second Latihan... of her life...in a room together with some twelve Ladies began... just like her first Miraculous Happening...
She felt the same feeling of Blissful... and Peaceful Femininity... and was delighted... when her mouth Was Made to Open... by THE POWER OF GOD... and she Felt her voice Coming Up And Out... from a very deep place inside her...
And with her eyes closed... she heard her own Spiritually Awakened Voice... very much more Richly Bell-like... and Pure... than when she sang in operas... operettas... nightclubs... musicals... concerts... ballrooms... and even on the radio...
The velvet Tones... were Issuing Forth... from the very depths of her being... in worshipful Praise... of her HEAVENLY FATHER... ALMIGHTY GOD... Whom she had loved... with all her heart and soul... always seeking His Approval of her... wanting only to be... as He Would Have her Be... ever since she could remember...
Standing and Swaying... Joyfully Singing her heart out... Grazia was filled with Spiritual Bliss...
Then all of a sudden... she became very much aware... of the thundering noise... of the Men next door... a lot of feet Stomping... a lot of Shouting... a lot of Wailing... and even Screaming...
And she felt the walls shaking alarmingly around her... with the intensity of their activity...
At the same time... she felt as if somehow... her Cocoon of Peaceful Bliss... Was Being Pierced... Invaded in a most intrusive... and uncomfortable way...!
And then... to her dsmay... SHE HERSELF BEGAN TO MAKE HORRIBLE NOISES... Wailing Like A Banshee... chokingly Uttering The Most Awful... Guttural Sounds... Grunting like a wild animal... just like the Men... through the one and a half inches of flimsy... sliding wooden door... that separated them from the Ladies...!!!
Her first official "Opening" Latihan... had been set up especially for her... not during a general Latihan Night... but in hospital... so that there were only two lady Helpers present with her... as witnesses and participants... to the Wonderful Divine Event...
Reborn... into a True Spiritual Path... where her Creator... Would Make her feel even more Cherished... as she continuously Felt... the gentle Vibration... of the Great Holy Life Force of Almighty God... inside her being... as Proof of their unique... One-on-one Bond... with each other...
So that this was her very first experience... of simultaneous Latihan... with her new SUBUD men...
Then... as she was filled with confusion... and deeper and deeper discomfort... her eyes Were Made To Open... and she was Made To Take A Very Good Look Around Her...
And she Was Made To Notice... that the four other ladies... who were also wearing slacks... were all beginning to Howl like wild animals... as well...! ... and that the rest of the Ladies... who were wearing dresses... were Making Graceful... very feminine Movements... Dancing... with a few of them Singing Softly...
Instantly... Grazia "knew"... that some Momentous Truth... had just been Revealed to her... and that she had committed some Spiritual faux-pas... of great Magnitude... and Importance...
And she was Made to feel Foolish... Empty... and also distressingly Off Balance... which were to become future Spiritual Indications for her... whenever she was defiantly disobedient... wrong... or too slow to obey... the Perfect Will... of her HEAVENLY FATHER...!
Grazia had been told by her Helpers... that she was to accept... whatever happened in the Latihan... even the unpleasant... for it was all necessary Purification... and in the long run... most Beneficial... to her Spiritual Growth and Development...
So she tried very hard... to accept the fact... that she was now Being Made... BY THE POWER OF GOD... to behave in a most unladylike manner... Howling and Wailing her head off...
At the same time... she was Being Made... to Make quite the most abrupt... Distinctly Male Movements... and - HORROR OF HORRORS - actually Felt herself... becoming more and more disturbingly MASCULINE... as the Latihan went on...!!!???
At long last... to Grazia's great relief... the most unpleasant Latihan... seeming to last for hours... was finally over...
And it wasn't long... before she found herself... sitting in a corner... with the other huddled Ladies... dressed in slacks... who were all totally unnerved... expressing their alarm... at how abruptly their Latihan... had changed that night... from their usual peaceful ones... and agreeing at how UNCOMFORTABLE... AND STRANGELY DIFFERENT... they had felt...
Grazia listened to her SUBUD Ladies... very closely... for they were far more experienced in the Latihan... than she was...
As they were all expressing their concerns... their Helper of the evening... having joined them... Grazia... to her dismay... found herself being Made to Open her mouth... and very shyly... Being Made to speak up...
And she haltingly told them... of her own experience that night... and her feeling... that was growing more and more inside her... that it was... perhaps... somehow... Spiritually wrong... for SUBUD ladies... to be wearing... what is traditionally considered men's clothing... to Latihan...!
And that perhaps it might be a good idea... maybe... to write to their Spiritual SUBUD Father... BAPAK... about what had obviously greatly Altered... five SUBUD Ladies' Latihans... so drastically that night...
By this time... Grazia's heart was pounding... at her own audacity... for after all... she was the baby of the Group...
But... to her enormous relief... her shy... tentative suggestion... was immediately accepted... for all four SUBUD Ladies... and their Helper agreed... that they needed to have some clarification from BAPAK... their Spiritual father on earth... of their odd experience that night... adding that they had never worn slacks to Latihan before... and had done so... only because it was such a bitterly cold night...
And they wonderied... amongst themselves... whether there was some Truth... to what their new SUBUD Lady... Grazia... seemed to be aware of...
In a very short time... a perfect answer of explanation... was received from BAPAK... confirming that what the Ladies had experienced... that was so unusual... in their Latihan... that particular night... was indeed owing to the fact... that they were wearing slacks...
Exercising right next door... and at the same time... as the Men... caused the male forces... to travel through the door... and enter those Ladies who... in wearing men's clothing... became a source of attraction... and influence... for the male forces.
BAPAK further explained... that the male force... was so strong... and powerful... that it influenced a woman's behavior... even harming her feminine nature... whenever she wore trousers... so that she acted more like a man... than a woman... when she walked... or sat around in them...
But that in time... as we progressed in the Latihan... the day would come... when our whole beings... would be sufficiently Purified... into becoming fully feminine... that wearing men's clothing... would no longer be able to influence... and negatively harm... our feminine nature... and behavior... in a masculine way...
Adding that... since we had been Created and born... as female souls... by the Will of ALMIGHTY GOD... it was indeed His Will... that we become true... noble women... of excellent character... as He Would Have us be...
BAPAK closed his letter... by recommending... that ALL the SUBUD ladies... refrain from wearing trousers to Latihan... in future... and that the Helpers... should advise their Lady Members... not to do so... giving them BAPAK's Spiritual Explanation...
All the Ladies of the SUBUD Groups... and Centers... throughout South Africa... immediately followed... BAPAK's perfect recommendation... without question... WHICH... THROUGH THE RAPID SUBUD GRAPEVINE... ALSO FILTERED OVERSEAS... TO THE USA... AND OTHER COUNTRIES...!
They knew full well... that BAPAK's wise words of counsel... for his SUBUD children... had been "Received"... from ALMIGHTY GOD... and could... therefore... be trusted implicitly...
Especially when they heard... about the five hapless SUBUD Ladies' personal... unpleasant experience... of wearing slacks to Latihan... not wanting to have a similar occurence... happen to them... when they happened to find themselves... in a similar situation... where simultaneous Latihan... might be going on...
As events turned out... it wasn't long before Grazia came to know... all about being invaded... and unpleasantly disturbed... by male forces... when she ACCIDENTALLY... "OPENED" A MAN...!
And she had such violent Latihans... immediately thereafter... that she frightened her SUBUD Ladies... to such an extent... that the Helpers... some of them grumbling... that she had spoiled their plans for the evening... had to drive her off... to the isolated beaches... of Durban... very late at night... where she could Howl... and Yowl her head off... in intense Latihan Purification... with the crashing waves... muffling the awful Sounds... to get rid of the extra baggage... the unwelcome male forces... that had invaded her being...
This unpleasant period... which also included... her unable to bear the sound of his voice... which grated on her nerves... like fingernails scratching glass... lasted for six months...!
But that's another one of her million-and-one... personally unique... SUBUD stories... of her now 33 years in SUBUD... (No bragging intended... just promoting her Spiritual Odyssey... "From "Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...")
Muftiah "Received" to write this little SUBUD story... for the SUBUD SOUTH QUARTERLY... and since she has been Trained... these many years... to obey the Perfect Will of ALMIGHTY ALLAH... whenever He Commands her... "Now Write...!" ... she has done so... sitting up in her bed... typing on her lap-top Altima 420 computer... no longer able to... for ten hours a day... like she used to... but lucky... if she can get in... at least... five hours a day...
Furthermore... she is still not Permitted to write... unless "Commanded" by Him... with gaps sometimes lasting... even a whole year...!
And... as stated in her "Open Letter" ... to her SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... all over the world... some seven and a half years ago... (featured today... on her JIWA TO JIWA Blog... via link...:
jiwatojiwa.blogspot.com
she is still Not Permitted... to refer to herself as "I"... whenever she communicates with the general SUBUD public... in writing... and feels very wrong... whenever she does...!
Furthermore... she is still mostly bed-ridden... owing to her many GOD-Willed Strokes... which have now affected her heart severely... diagnosed as "mitral valve prolapse"... for which she is daily taking beta blockers...
So that... on the rare occasion... when AlLMIGHTY ALLAH... Permits her to go out... she has to be moved about... in a wheelchair... for she can no longer stand up on her feet... for longer than twenty minutes at a time... without collapsing in pain and weakness...
One affliction seems to be Miraculously... finally over with - after fifty-two years - the dreaded fortnightly Migraine Attacks... of Ancestral Purification - Praise Allah... which began for her... already when she was almost twelve years old... with her very first period... in New York... en route from Japan to Switzerland... in 1942...!
(To be Continued with... HOW THE POWER OF GOD... IN A LITTLE OLD LADY... GOT BAPAK'S ENTRY VISA... FOR SOUTH AFRICA... WHEN THE SUBUD COMMITTEE'S REPEATED EFFORTS... HAD FAILED...! ... Insha Allah... God Willing... Monday 1/17/11...)
The Poignant... Heartbreaking Story Of Guido... And His Utter Transformation... Fourteen Years Later... Through The Power Of The Holy Word... "SUBUD"...!
In my Spiritual Odyssey... "From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD..."... as listed in the Index... is the full story... of my deep and abiding friendship... with Guido... one of the kindest men... I have ever known...
Under this Chapter... it bears repeating... to write about what relates... to the Power of the Holy Word.. "SUBUD"... and the Magical Day we spent together... when he helped me move into a brand new studio apartment... and out of the clutches... of an evil monster...!
The machiavellian Austrian dress designer... a victim of polio... whom I met... shortly after my divorce from Brian... in Bulawayo... Southern Rhodesia... had been offered a lucrative position... at a prestigious fashion house... in Johannesburg... South Africa... in three months time...
So that when my mother suddenly invited me to drive down to Cape Town with her... and to live alone with her there... during the six months of parliament sessions... which she was expected to attend... as the representative... for the Italian Embassy... and time was pressing... my charming new friend... Gangolf... had kindly offered... to pack up my whole household for me... in crates... and send them on to me... once I was settled with my mother...
And he even promised... to personally bring my adored cocker spaniel Whiskie... to me... in Cape Town... after his government enforced... three months of quarantine...
Naturally I was delirious with joy... at being reunited with my adored Contessa mother... once again... who explained... that her husband Braam... who was only three years older than myself... could not join her in Cape Town... for at least eight months... because of his military duties...
Under "Seven Hells"... is the full story of my joyous three months... spent with my adored Mummie... in beautiful Cape Town... and the degrading story... of the evil Austrian monster... Gangolf... whose permanent polio affliction... had filled me with heart felt sympathy... but whom I Was Forbidden... to Miraculously Heal...!
And how he had psychologically tortured... and sexually abused me... all over South Africa... while in absolute control... of all my worldly goods... which he had put in his name... and threatened to have forwarded... to whatever address he chose... if I displeased him...!
His diabolical cruelties... were inflicted on me... to test my sincere love for him... because he could not quite believe... that any woman... could really and truly love him...!
This meant that he had absolute control... of all my expensive evening gowns... and collection of pure silk kimonos... and all my delicate Oriental chinaware... and Lalique glassware... plus my important personal papers... such as my Diploma from the modeling school... I graduated from... which had led to the famous Norman Hartnell... offering me a prestigious job... to become the exclusive model... for Queen Elizabeth of England...!
But the worst thing the evil monster did... was to give my precious Whiskie away... who had always growled at him... then quickly hid himself... under the furniture... refusing his offerings of prime steak... from the first class restaurants... he would take me to...!
After three years... of an unnatural marriage... I was easy prey... to the charms of Gangolf... whose jet black eyes... never kept still... but always darted about inquisitively...
Lying helpless... in my hospital bed... I was heartsick over the loss of my adored pet Whiskie... and chastised myself... over and over... for having been so careless... as to leave him in the hands of a man whom he obviously hated... and rightfully did not trust...!
And I marveled all over again... over the emotional hold... my still exquisitely beautiful... imperiously proud... Contessa mother... had over me... that I would simply drop everything... and anybody... to be with her...!
Why... I had even fiercely willed the necessary Swiss Passport to arrive in time... to join her... having been told... that it would take at least six months...!
Then... wanting to cheer myself up... I found myself recalling the enormous Spiritual Power... that the Holy Word "SUBUD"... Had... over one's soul... the amazing Evidence of which... I had personally experienced... then witnessed... not just once... but twice... so far... in two of my closest... and dearest friends...!
And I thought of my dear friend Guido's Merciful Deliverance... from years of soul-deep anguish and torment... and his Utter Transformation... on that Magical Day... when he helped his Cara Graziella... after she contacted him... and poured her miserable soul out to him...
Being in the business of building... he had found the most charming studio apartment for me... making sure that the lease was solely in my name...
I had finally convinced the evil monster... - giving the finest acting performance of my life... - that I would be delirious with joy... to marry him... suggesting that we move into an apartment together...
And believing me... he had arranged to have all my worldly goods... which turned out to be... packed to the brim... in four enormous crates... delivered to the apartment...
My dear friend Guido was present... helping me to unpack the gigantic crates... when Gangolf finally arrived... believing that we were going to be living together...
And still being quite a handsome... magnificently tall... well-built... muscular man... with a healthy tan... from working outdoors so much... although his head of rich brown hair... had turned silvery gray... Guido was quite intimidating... with his rolled up sleeves... showing off his rippling muscles... to the dapper... slender.. much shorter man... who would always exaggerate his limp... whenever he sought sympathy... from others...
He was startled to see... that I was not alone... and looked at me questioningly...
But all I could feel... now... was no longer... the truly sincere love... I had felt for him... but utter contempt... for the cripple... who for three months... had put me through such torture... and who... just the very night before... knowing how much I loathed horror movies... from all the times... my Amahs would force me to see bloody... gory Samurai movies... with them... when I was a mere tot... had forced me to go and see one of the worst with him...
So I did not feel to honor such an evil monster... by introducing my dearest friend Guido... to him...
Looking down at him... from my own great height of now five foot eleven... speaking to him in our usual language of German... I very calmly told him... that I was through with him...
And I was thrilled to see the tail end of him... after he nervously withdrew his own artistic supplies... from one of the crates... and I realized... watching him walk out of the glass apartment door... with his exaggerated limp... no longer feeling... even a shred of sympathy for him... that I was finally in control of my own life... once again...
Naturally I had no inkling... at the time... that he would be back... and charming the building apartment manager... into letting him in... as my fiance... I would come home from work... one evening... to find him sitting there... in my easy chair... with a deadly gun aimed unwaveringly... up at my chest...!
But that's another story... of thousands... all told in "Seven Hells..."!
Guido had ordered an enormous Italian lunch for us... from the best Italian restaurant in town... and had kindly stocked my fridge to the brim... with all kinds of pasta specialties... making sure... that at least I wouldn't starve...
So happy to be reunited with him... after so many years... meeting him first... as my mother's fiance... we enjoyed each other's company... catching up on each other's lives... sitting on my unpacked... extra large soft cushions... on the floor... and leisurely dining... off my low round... lacquer table... just like I used to... in Japan...
Guido had brought a bottle of Chianti with him... to celebrate my glorious freedom... and after my Allowed three sips... I found myself telling him... about my extraordinary Spiritual Experience... in Bulawayo... shortly after my divorce from Brian... about a year earlier... and my frustration... in being unable to find SUBUD...
There was always a tinge of sadness... in Guido's warm brown eyes... and I knew all about the reason why... having shared his moments of anguish with him... many many times...
As a young man... immigrating to South Africa... from Italy... he met a beautiful young socialite... from a wealthy South African family... and beguiled by her... soon found himself married to her...!
He was floating on Cloud Nine with her... and even more ecstatic... when she got pregnant... then presented him... with his very own son...!
But then... after about three years... tiring of the great difference... in their social standing... not liking the idea of being married to a foreigner... a mere Contractor... who dirtied his hands... with manual labor... his snooty wife... bowled him over... bringing him crashing down... from his blissful happiness... by suddenly asking him for a divorce...!
Poor Guido did not stand a chance... against his wife's powerful... influential family... with his now icy cold wife... shutting him out of their little son's life completely... and after remarrying... even arrogantly going so far... as to changing his Italian name... to an English one...!
Countless times... I had been with Guido... in his car... parked outside the imposing iron gates... of his ex wife's vast estate... patiently waiting for hours on end... with him... in the hope to just even catch a glimpse of his precious son... now about four years old... whom he loved... more than life itself...
These were poignantly private moments... that Guido and I shared alone together... when I would often hold his heaving with anguish body... close to my breast... let him pour out... all the sorrow... in his yearning soul... in my comforting arms...
Being engaged to my mother... when I met him... I soon realized that with her... he had to be strong... and dependable... but with her daughter... in whom he instantly recognized a kind... understanding soul... he could be his real self... show his true feelings...!
Although I knew that being born an Italian... Guido had grown up as a Roman Catholic... nevertheless... over the poignant hours spent in his car... sitting in the dark... he confided his disappointment... in his religion... and even more so... after he lost his precious son... Angelo... his precious Angelito... "Little Angel"... wondering why God Had Taken him away from him...
And as gently as I could... I explained about Karmic Debts... and that there was the possibility... that in a previous incarnation... he had ruthlessly taken away a child... from the woman he had been married to... in this life... and that he was now experiencing the Divine Law of Cause and Effect... of his previous cruel action... towards her... and feeling inside me... that I spoke the truth...!
The inevitable day came... when my imperiously proud mother found out... that I was alone with her fiance... several nights a week... and naturally jumping to the wrong conclusion... she accused innocent me... of trying to seduce him... and take him away from her...!
Having promised Guido... never to tell another living soul... about our nightly ventures... I could not explain away... my innocence... to my adored mother...
There had been a huge blow-up between her and Guido... and he had been so horrified... at the venomous words... spewing out of her mouth... regarding her own daughter... his precious Cara Graziella... who had been nothing but a sympathetic friend... whom he could freely confide in... that he had abruptly broken off their engagement...!
This was the second time... my mother was blaming me... for losing the affections of a man she loved...!
The first time... was soon after arriving in South Africa... to be reunited with her... wanting only to spend as much time with her as possible... to make up for all the lost years... and never interested one little bit... in any kind of romance.... with any man...!
(The very sad incidences... involving three men... my Contessa mother accused innocent me... of taking away from her... within the space of only one year... are fully told in "Seven Hells..."!)
Now stuffed to the gills... with delicious Italian food... I suddenly found myself wondering... yet again... why Guido... whose warm... kind brown eyes... still had a tinge of sadness in them... kept popping briefly into my life... at crucial times...!
And how the last time it happened... was when I was so unhappily married to Brian... bumping into Guido... while on vacation to visit Brian's family... his father being the chief fireman... for the district... and where Guido was contracted... to work on the firehouse...!
At that time... upon suddenly seeing me again... after some eight years... he had lost control one night... when we found ourselves alone together... and declared his years of love for me... as a desirable woman...!
I was so taken aback... that I had fought him off me... But later on... back in Bulawayo... I could not stop thinking about him... and longing to see him... and wondering whether my Heavenly Father... Meant for us to be together... for life... after all...!
And that being a passionate Italian... his dear self... would be The One... to finally unlock my sexual freeze... and terror of sexual intercourse... ever since I was seventeen... and so brutally attacked... by a German prisoner of war... in England...
And it suddenly dawned on me... that we were together again... and alone...!
And emboldened by the three sips of wine... which went straight to my head... when he stood up... to stretch himself... I sprang to my feet... and throwing myself into his powerful arms... which instinctively wrapped themselves around me... I found myself joyously looking up at him... and declaring... my abiding love for him...!
Then I happened to notice the long... roomy daybed... below the large picture window... of the charming... spacious studio apartment... which would have been perfect for us... to finally consummate our years and years of unrequited love... for each other...
But when I motioned for us... to lie down on it together... so that we could make each other really happy... at long last... to my utter surprise... he wrenched himself... out of my loving arms...!
And letting out a groan of anguish... he cried out... in his charming Italian accent...:
"Cara Graziella... dearest soul of my heart... I would love to take you... here and now... make passionate love to you... God Knows... I have waited for you... long enough...!
First it was your mother... whom you idolized... who stood between us... and then your precious John... then Brian...!
And now you are free... but I am not...!
I cannot show you how much I have always loved you... and always will... as a man in love... with the woman of his dreams... because I am a married man...!"
And gently leading a thoroughly stunned and embarrassed me... back to the table... he sat me back down... and told me... how he had married a trusted cousin of his... from childhood... about three months ago... for business reasons only ... bringing her to South Africa... from Italy... because there had been thefts... and mismanagement of money... in his large contracting firm...
Sitting opposite him... in a daze... and digesting his words... and realizing what an honorable man he was... having secretly loved me... as a woman for years... and that he still would not break his marriage vows... even though his was a loveless marriage... I suddenly found myself wondering... how he would react... to the Holy Word of "SUBUD"...!
And jumping to my feet... I retrieved the precious little Materialized book catalog... which I always carried around with me... from my handbag... and picking up my extra large.. soft cushion... I went over to Guido... and sitting down on it next to him... lay the little catalog on the table... and opened it to the page... advertising John Bennett's "Concerning SUBUD.." ... the only title shown in bold print...!
And already I noticed... how the atmosphere in the room... Had suddenly become Holy and Still... just as on that Magical Night in Bulawayo... about a year earlier... with my other dear friend and protector... Dimitri... from Greece... as Guido looked down... at my pointing finger...
And as he slowly read the title of the precious book out loud... and came to the Holy Word of "SUBUD"... I saw him bow his head reverently... and close his eyes... as if he was praying...!
And then... to my utter astonishment... his whole muscular... magnificent six foot four body... Started to Shake... a little at first... but then More and More... then Uncontrollably... as if his entire being... Was Being Gripped... in a Gigantic Seizure...!
And as I sat there next to him... totally spellbound... and becoming aware... of the Heavenly Scent of Roses... Surrounding us... knowing that an Angel of God Was Present... just as on that Magical Night in Bulawayo... with Dimitri... Guido's mouth opened... and as if from the very depths of his soul... came a kind of slowly Rising... Keening Sound...!
And the heart-wrenching Sound... was of such utter Anguish... such as I had never ever heard... coming out of another human being before... in all my life...!
Then the Seizure suddenly Stopped... and his whole body began to Sway... Back and Forth... Back and Forth... as he tightly wrapped his arms... around his chest and great body...
And my heart went out to my dear dear old friend... full of the greatest sympathy... and loving understanding... as I instinctively put my arms... around his heaving great shoulders... just like I used to... in his moments of agony... in his car... so many years ago...
And Guido... still with his eyes closed... and head bowed... continued to Utter the soul deep Wail of Anguish... which would slowly Rise... from the very depths of his being... and come out of his mouth... like a gigantic Wail... best described... like an ambulance siren...!
This very Private Inner Communion... between Guido... and His Loving Creator... Almighty God... Lasted for quite a while... with the air around us... Holy and Still... and the Heavenly Scent of Roses... still Surrounding us...
Then I noticed a change in Guido... as he sat next to me... with my comforting arms around him... no longer Wailing... but utterly still...
Then after a little while... he lifted his great handsome head... and opened his eyes... and as he turned towards me... I saw that his whole face... had become utterly Transformed... and there was a beautiful Radiance about him...!
And the most wonderful... Heavenly Gift of all... was that there was no longer a trace of sadness... not even a tinge... in his warm brown eyes...!
Looking at me... with his shining new eyes... he said... with a note of wonder... in his voice... in that charming Italian accent of his...:
"Cara Graziella... a Miracle Has Happened...! I no longer feel the great sorrow... of losing my precious son... Angelito... which has been tormenting my soul... for so many many years...! It is all gone...!
All these many years... I have been feeling the burden of shame... and guilt... because I did not fight hard enough for my son...
Only Almighty God... Could Have Released me... from my years of great anguish... and now He Has...! May His Holy Name be Praised Forever...!
And you... my Cara Graziella... to whom I instantly lost my heart to... and trusted... the moment our eyes met... so long ago... I can never thank you enough... for your sincere friendship... towards me... and all the times you comforted me... in my moments of agony... when we sat in my car together... so close to my precious son... and yet so far away...
We must find this SUBUD... and as soon as possible... for it is truly Holy...!"
And I was so happy... that another living soul... this time my dear friend Guido... Had Been So Greatly Blessed... by his Creator... by the Holy Word of "SUBUD"... and perhaps even more so... because he had not broken his marriage vows...
(To be Continued with... "To Wear Pants To Latihan... Or Not... That Is The Question..." ... Insha Allah... God Willing... Thursday 1/13/11... The Anniversary Of Muftiah's First Year On Facebook... With Already 1,337 Friends... From All Over The World...!)
How Two Devoted Children Of God... Nadia And Dimitri... Are Introduced To... And Deeply Touched... In Their Souls... By The Miracle... Of The Holy Word "SUBUD"... In A Very Unusual Way... The Remarkable Experience... Exceedingly Blessing... And Transforming Them... Forever...!
Lying helpless in my hospital bed... with all the tubes still inside me... I tried to accept the sad news... that my dear old friend Guido... would no longer be coming to visit me... his Cara Graziella... because of a lucrative contract... which was going to take him far away... to the Orange Free State... for at least four months...!
Just the morning before... I had woken up... to find a plain looking... strange woman... with jet black eyes... standing by my bedside... motionless... and staring down at me... her face expressionless...!
And I instantly knew... that the woman... with her Mediterranean olive complexion... was Guido's trusted cousin and wife...! She looked just like a no nonsense school teacher... with her black hair... severely pulled back into a bun...
And there was just this deadly silence... between us... as she kept on staring down at me... for the longest time... with the only sound... the very embarrassing... loud drip... drip... dripping of the poisonous dark brown liquid... into the bucket beside my bed...
I tried to smile up at her... in greeting... hoping that she could see... that with the tube... inserted in the base of my throat... it was almost impossible for me to speak...
But she did not return my smile... and after a few more moments... abruptly turned heel... and briskly walked away...
And wondering what on earth Guido had said to his new wife about me... that she should be so hostile... wanting to cheer myself up... I thought back to the most extraordinary Magical Night... in Bulawayo... Southern Rhodesia... when the Holy Word of "SUBUD"... had touched me so deeply... leaving an empty... aching void inside my soul... ever since...!
When the Extraordinary Miracle happened... I was newly divorced... from a miserable three years... of a poignant... never consummated marriage... to a younger blond giant... with a heart as big as the ocean... but who happened to be mentally unbalanced...!
And I had narrowly escaped... from being strangled to death by him... with the timely Help... of my Guardian Angel Friend... when he had finally tried to kill me...!
About to sign the Marriage Certificate... at the Bulawayo City Hall... I Had Been Warned... Not to Sign it... by my Guardian Angel Friend...!
But had anyway... against the Will of God... mainly out of gratitude... and his mother's pleading... because the young giant... my ardent fan... had nursed me... a total stranger... devotedly... through my seven month long coma...!
(Our pathetically sad... so called "marriage"... of about three years... is fully described... under the Part relating to "The Poignant Saga Of Nadia And Brian..." ... as shown in the Table of Contents... of my Spiritual Odyssey... "From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD..." )
This trying to be humble to God soul... at the age of about thirty... and by the Grace of God... still looking like a teenager... and using her middle name... Nadia... professionally... as a singer... was happily enjoying a reunion... with her magnificent Greek Adonis... her kindred in spirit... lover and protector of old... fascinating Dimitri... from Salisbury...!
She had had no contact... whatsoever... with him... during those poignantly sad... three years... with him keeping away from her... out of respect for her marriage... to Brian...!
She had just moved... into her brand new apartment... a few days earlier... and was sitting... late at night... relaxing... and enjoying her freedom... dressed in her silk lilac lounging pajamas... after having just entertained... a large... appreciative audience... at the prestigious Sheraton Hotel...
And on this Magical Night...as always... Dimitri... of the strangest color eyes... and flaming red hair... bowled her over... when she suddenly saw him... as large as life... standing in her living room...!
He had teletransported himself... right through the wall... into her living room... in Bulawayo... all the way from Salisbury... some thirty miles away... like he used to do... when she lived there...!
And as she looked up at him... in astonishment... he told her... that he had come to her... because an Angel of God... Had Appeared To Him... In His Dream That Night... With The Wonderful News... That She Was Free... And That He Should Go To Her... Right Away...!
And as they sat cozily together... with Whiskie... her adored... black and white... cocker spaniel's head... resting on his lap... who had been a loving gift from Brian... as a substitute... for her to love... before they could completely catch up... on each other's lives... over the last three years... something quite extraordinary happened...!
First of all... little Whiskie... suddenly sat bolt upright... and started whimpering... staring straight ahead of him... with his soft... expressive brown eyes... as large as saucers...!
And then... as the atmosphere around them... became Still... something suddenly Materialized... on Nadia's coffee table... right in front of them...!
Nadia thought it was one of Dimitri's magical feats... for when she lived in Salisbury...he had introduced her... to the fascinating world of the supernatural... to levitation... astral travel... mental telepathy... teletransportation... etc...!
The latter... being his favorite mode... of going from place to place...he had often walked... right through the glass... of her locked French glass doors... when she was single... and needed his help...!
Once... to save her... while she was innocently... going down her long list... of suffering souls... who had written to her... absorbed in their Absent Healing... during what he warned her... was called the dangerous time... of midnight... the "witching hour..."!
And yet another time... while she was being scolded... by a young Catholic priest... about her heathen healing practices... flooring the good man of God... when he saw a tall... magnificent specimen... of a male... with flaming red hair... walk right through the glass... of her French glass doors... as she was graciously serving him... some tea...!
And flabbergasting him... still further... when she found herself... suddenly asking him... without intending to... about the ugly... embarrassing... large growth... under his armpit... and about his right knee... as she instantly became a Divine Channel... To Heal his years of afflictions... making a fervent believer... and friend... out of him... from then on...!
Or whenever unhappily married Dimitri... whose young wife did not share his fascination... with the supernatural... in the least... longed to be with his beloved... for a little cuddling... never insisting on sexual intercourse... because he knew how frightened she was... of the act... but teaching her wonderful... other ways... to give each other physical pleasure... he would come striding through... her locked French glass doors... to spend a few loving hours... with his precious love...!
Leaning forward... Nadia noticed... that the innocent looking object... on her coffee table... was some kind of catalogue booklet... when she saw... "The Mystic Book Shop of London..." ... printed... very quaintly... on its cover...!
She looked at her dearest Dimitri... questioningly... whose psychic Greek mother... had taught him... all about the supernatural... when he was twelve... having told them... that they had been together... as one... in a previous lifetime... but he looked just as puzzled... as she was...!
And as they looked at each other... the air around them... became even more Holy and Still... and they both became aware... that something Quite Extraordinary... Was Taking Place...!
Feeling full of reverent awe and wonder... Nadia... who now stood at five feet eleven inches tall... suddenly found herself... down on her knees...!
And as she tentatively reached out her hand... to pick the Magical little Booklet up... its pages Fell Open... to a page... that was advertising some books...!
Her eyes were immediately drawn... to the left hand side of the little page... where she saw a book and its cost advertised... noticing that it was the only book shown... in bold print... and that it was titled... "Concerning SUBUD"... by John Bennett...!
And upon seeing the Holy Word of "SUBUD"... for the very first time in her life... Nadia felt as if she was humbly bowing down... before her Beloved Heavenly Father... and that yet another... enormous Revelation... Was About To Be Given to her...!
And as Nadia... feeling full of awed reverence... towards Him... looked down... and slowly read the title... of the book... out loud... and said the Holy Word of "SUBUD"... for the very first time... in her life... pronouncing it correctly... as "SOOBOOD..." ... she Experienced...:
A Strange Kind Of Flutter... Flitting Across The Inside... Of Her Chest...!
And when Dimitri... noticing how his beloved's face had become transfigured... into a beautiful Radiance... also stood up... towering above her... like a magnificent Greek god... then fell to his knees... and also reverently read the Holy Word of "SUBUD..."... out loud... he Experienced...:
The Sensation... Of A Very Strong Explosion... Inside His Chest...!
And as they looked at each other... thoroughly overcome... at what Had Just Transpired... with Dimitri's face... now also Glowing... with an Inner Radiance... the Holy... Still atmosphere... around them... became Filled with the Fragrance... of the Heavenly Scent of Roses...!
Full of wide-eyed awe... and wonder... they realized... that an Angel Of God... Was Present... as their Holy Witness...!
And with Dimitri now... also Radiantly Transformed... looking at each other... in awe... they both knew... that all their years of searching... for a Holy Path... that would lead them straight back to God... had finally come to an end...!
And Nadia instantly knew... with every fiber... of her being... that all her years... of desperately searching... for a True Spiritual Path... That Would Lead her... Straight Back... To Her Heavenly Father... Almighty God... where she would no longer feel... a sense of limitation... as she had... so many times... before... in the past... in following various Spiritual Paths... had finally... Hallelujah... come to a Glorious end...!
And that the Path Of SUBUD... Would Be The Path... That Would Truly Lead her... Straight Back... To Her Beloved Heavenly Father... Almighty God... And That Through SUBUD... she Would Be Given... A Sense Of her Blissful... Glorious Eternity... In Paradise...!
In fact... that sense of Limitless Eternity... has really come true... For even just a yesterday... already seems... like a century ago... and hard to recall...!
Because... in the SUBUD Way Of Life... one really and truly... only lives... in the present... giving the whole... of each yesterday... back to one's Creator... Almighty God...!
Except in the instances... of periodic Purification... when Almighty God... Very Gently... and in Gradual Degrees... that can be borne... by the particular soul... Makes His loved son... or daughter... look back... upon their mistakes... and sins... one by one...
Feel the painful... Spiritual Reality... of what each one was... and hopefully learn from them... and never make the same mistakes... or commit the same sins... ever... again... since one can easily be Reminded... of the very real... painful Purification Process... of each one of them...!
So that... each time... Almighty God... Mercifully Shows us... the Spiritual Reality... of our wicked ways... there truly is no excuse... to commit them again...!
Thus began an aching yearning... inside Nadia... And she wasted no time... immediately ordering... John Bennett's book... from "The Mystic Book Shop of London..." ... the very next day... paying for it... since Dimitri... in his immediate teletransportation to her... had not thought it necessary... to bring any money with him...!
And with dear Dimitri... visiting her... in the same way... every night thereafter... they both happily awaited its arrival...
But alas... the very precious... eagerly awaited... pre-paid for book... was not delivered...!
And when she wrote to "The Mystic Book Shop of London..."... inquiring why... they had not yet... sent the pre-paid book to her... indicating that it had been... already three weeks... since she had ordered it... there was no response from them... whatsoever...! Neither when she wrote to them... a second... nor a third time...!!!???
And while she waited... for the precious book... to arrive... with an almost unbearable... aching longing... inside her... she decided to seek the precious book... or anything else about SUBUD... in all the book stores... throughout the city of Bulawayo...
She also asked all her adoring fans... and becoming desperate... even strangers on the street... about more and more elusive SUBUD... and got the strangest reactions from them...!
In fact... anyone... and everyone... she came across... reacted with peculiarly blank... shocked faces... claiming that they had never heard... of the book... or about SUBUD... some of them getting all flustered... and looking suddenly uncomfortably exposed... blushing... stammering... and stuttering... barely able to say the Holy Word...!!!???
While yet others reacted startled... as if hit in the chest... by the Holy Word...!
And the aching yearning... inside Nadia... grew stronger... and stronger... and deeper... and deeper... as she desperately... tried to find... John Bennett's book... all her inquiries... at book stores... asking her friends... office co-workers... her adoring public... at the different places she performed... yielding absolutely nothing...!
Dimitri... whose soul was also yearning for SUBUD... was likewise trying to find the book... or anything else about SUBUD... throughout the city of Salisbury... which was much larger than Bulawayo... and getting the same kind of reactions... as well... and also without any success... whatsoever...!
This yearning soul was to wait... another l-o-o-ong ... agonizing year... Being Taught Patience... one of the most important... necessary qualities... for worshipping Almighty God... the SUBUD Way...
And only when she... being a fiercely independent... strong-willed... impetuous... defiantly willful... impulsive Aries soul... Was Brought Down Low... to utter helplessness... with no strength left... hospitalized... yet again... back in Johannesburg... South Africa... Was she finally Led... Directly to SUBUD... by an Angel of God...!
Dimitri and Nadia... had become separated... when he was forced to sell his leather goods store... in Salisbury... and return to Greece... a few months after their joyous reunion... with them promising each other... to never rest... until they had found SUBUD... and to keep in touch with each other...
(You can read all about this humble to God soul's years... as a Spiritual Healer... in both South Africa... and in Southern... and Northern Rhodesia... and her very unusual... wonderful... intimate association... with her dear kindred in spirit lover... and protector... Dimitri... under references to the Part... describing her life... in those places... in the Table of Contents listing... of her Spiritual Odyssey... "From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...")
And now... here she was... back in Johannesburg... at the General Hospital... flat on her back... suffering... with yet another kidney infection... an affliction... which had plagued her... all her life... with no idea... that she had only one functioning kidney... the other one... shriveled up... and never developed...!
(However... she is happy to say... that through the Miracle of the Latihan Kejiwaan... of SUBUD... she discovered... when she found herself hospitalized... at the Cape Canaveral Hospital.. in Florida... with yet another bout of chronic cystitis... which had also plagued her... for many years... now being in her eighth year in SUBUD... that her shriveled up kidney... had fully developed... some time during the last four years... since the last X-Ray taken... when she was in her fourth year in SUBUD...!)
She happened to be in the same room with her beloved third husband Mark... at the time... who was there because of horrible burns sustained... from a gas tank explosion... near their home in Antigua...!
Having given up all hope... of ever finding this Magical... elusive "SUBUD..." ... in South Africa... which had Stirred her... so deeply... thinking to herself... gloomily... that SUBUD was probably only available... in England... and she would have to save up some serious money... for her all important trip... to The Mystic Book Shop of London... itself... to find it... she was thoroughly amazed... when another extraordinary Miracle Happened...!
(To be Continued... with another Excerpt of... "From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun..." Part III - Chapter 21... About the Extraordinary Effect... Of The Holy Word... SUBUD... Upon Guido... Another Dear Friend... Insha Allah... God Willing... Thursday 1/10/11)
Muftiah feels to share here... a most unique Experience... that she had... as Grazia... in the port city of Durban... South Africa... during her first year in SUBUD...
She was a new arrival... from Johannesburg... running away from her beloved Richard... because he was married... and she could no longer cope... with her growing feelings for him... with their situation... seeming so hopeless...
Her Inner Love for him... had become deeper... and deeper... ever since... it Being GOD's Will... that just reunited with Richard... from their previous Japanese incarnation... he be GOD's spontaneous channel... to "Open..." ... and "Awaken..." her Inner self...
And upon joining the very well organized... large Durban SUBUD Center.. she was told... that it was their custom... to spend Sunday afternoons... listening to the Talks of BAPAK... on tape... and that the precious occasions... took place... in each other's homes... by rotation...
Looking very much forward to hearing the Voice of BAPAK... for the very first time in her life... Grazia eagerly looked forward to the next occasion...
Finally... it was Sunday afternoon... and having been told that the wealthiest SUBUD couple... would be hosting them... this time... and what a beautiful mansion they lived in... wanting to give a favorable impression... she put on her very Sunday best... for the momentous event...
She was given a lift to the mansion... and was pleased to see... that her party... were the first to arrive... so she was able to introduce herself to the couple... as newly arrived from Johannesburg... and engage in pleasant conversation... with them...
They got along very well... together... with the couple charmed by Grazia's distinctively foreign accent... and she was equally charmed... by their natural... warm manner... very modest... in their mid fifties... but looking much younger... than their ages... making Grazia immediately realize... that they were truly SUBUD... almost self-effacing... their enormous wealth... making no difference... in their behavior... at all...
And before long... they were telling her the fascinating story... of the great difference... between a pre-SUBUD child... and an after-SUBUD child...
Before they joined SUBUD... they had a family of three children... whom they had raised... as normal parents... but then... shortly after they were "Opened"... at Coombe Springs... in England... a few years ago... they had a SUBUD child... a boy...
And almost from birth... it seemed as if their son was an aware baby... for he seemed to know exactly... what was right for him... and they had to keep reminding themselves... that he was actually a little baby... now only two and a half years old... but to them... SUBUD-wise... he was a "grown person"...!
By the end of their fascinating story... with Grazia... thrilled to be learning more and more... about SUBUD... in her first year... the rest of the Members had arrived... and they all settled themselves... comfortably... on roomy... plushy soft chairs... and on sofas... some twenty people of men and women... in the large... elegantly furnished room... in preparation to hear the scheduled Talk... from their Spiritual SUBUD Father... BAPAK...
Grazia had already heard BAPAK'S explanation... about Members "dozing off"... during his Talks... and that it was an indication... that their hearts... and minds... were now quiet... and how... it did not matter... if the listeners heard the Words of BAPAK... with their ears...
They were actually the WORDS OF GOD... ISSUING OUT OF BAPAK'S MOUTH...!!! JUST LIKE MOHAMMED... WHEN HE WAS HERE ON EARTH... ALSO SENT BY GOD... TO HELP
MANKIND...
(BAPAK was once heard to say... before he began his Talk... sitting quietly... in a Receiving State... in front of his SUBUD children... that he was waiting... for the "CONDUCTOR..." )
And it did not matter... if the listener... understood the Words that BAPAK was Receiving to say... with his mind... because his Jiwa... would both hear... and understand... perfectly... what BAPAK was Saying...
Nevertheless... determined to stay awake... feeling it was an insult... to BAPAK... to "doze off"... during his Talk... Grazia braced herself...
And then... she heard the Voice of BAPAK... for the very first time... in her life... and he was saying... speaking very gently... in his mother tongue of Bahasa Indonesia...:-
"Sudara Sudara..."
But Grazia heard no more... for to her horror... as the enormity of the Sound of his Voice... Penetrated into her being... as if to the very depths of her soul... she burst into great... heaving sobs of anguish... feeling as if her very soul... was being ripped out of her...!
Unable to stop herself... a part of her filled with self-disgust.. at disrupting the afternoon... making a spectacle of herself... the more she heard the Voice of BAPAK... the deeper it pierced... painfully inside her... and she found herself... sobbing... and wailing... unable to control herself...!
Then Grazia felt a hand touch her shoulder... and she was being lifted up to her feet... and her knees giving way... she was led out into the beautiful garden... supported by the strong arms of a lady...
The lady... a total stranger... who was almost as tall as she was... at six feet... was very kind to her... as now... cradling her close to her breast... she murmured... her voice full of sympathy...:
"Let it all out... my dear... you'll feel much better... if you do... don't hold anything back... just let it all out..."
And Grazia sobbed... and wailed... and moaned... and groaned.. her heart and soul out...
When she finally calmed down ... she needed to be taken as far away... as possible... from the Voice of BAPAK ... which was Coming clearly... through the French glass doors...
Because... every time she heard the Reality of his Voice... it would et her off again...
In a remote corner... of the beautiful garden... which was decorated with a profusion of flowering bushes... with the sweet... delicate aromas... filling the air around them... the kind lady gently explained... that there were some rare people... who were so sensitive... in their Inner selves... that they were able to truly feel the Essence... of a person... through their Voice... and it seemed... as if she was one of them...!
The next Sunday afternoon... that she heard the distinctive Voice of BAPAK again... as soon as she heard the gentle tone... instead of bursting into sobs... like the last time... she felt BAPAK's overwhelming Love... and total Approval of her... and the Wonderful Feeling of Warmth... Penetrated into her deepest self... Filling her with a sense of Calm... and Peace... such as she had never known...!
And from then on... she would feel this same Love... and total Approval... of her... and Calm... and Peace... every time she heard the gentle Voice of BAPAK... saying... "Sudara Sudara..."
(To Be Continued with an Excerpt... from Muftiah's first book... "From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun..." Part III Chapter 21... How Two Devoted Children Of God... Nadia And Dimitri... Are Introduced To... And Deeply Touched... In Their Souls... By The Miracle... Of The Holy Word "SUBUD"... In A Very Unusual Way... The Remarkable Experience... Exceedingly Blessing... And Transforming Them... Forever...! ... Insha Allah... God Willing... Thursday 1/6/11)
